Folderal (ignore this journal)
Lately I've been a rather dreamy mood. Not in the sense that I'm lost in some fog of reverie, but rather that my life seems as though it's somewhat unreal. Although this is in no way a bad thing, I can't help help but feel somewhat tentative about it. In a way, I feel that the sense of unreality of it stems from a fear that it's all too good to be true. I will not, however, let my hesitation dictate my actions and prevent me from embracing my circumstances fully. Narcissism aside, I feel as though I've managed to scrounge a better lot in life than most. I'm in great overall health, have a loving and stable family who adores and supports me, and am in all confidence for the future. I have an interesting and exciting job that takes me all over the world, and I've managed to achieve self-sufficiency in my life. I read a study not too long ago that stated that the majority of Americans aged 28 and below are in some way financially dependent on their parents, either relying on them to cover bills of necessity or to provide them with a place to live. The fact that I've managed to, by age 24, achieve independence of my family and lay the foundation for my own family and future fills me with great pride and further confirms my conviction that I can accomplish anything I set my mind to. I've managed to educate myself, both formally and informally, to a much greater degree than most of the people around me, and I have a stable life despite the pervasive uncertainty of this day in age. And this doesnt even cover the various and many moments in my life which are triumphs in and of themselves, the kind that every individual experiences which is unique to the individual. Is my life perfect? No, of course not. But I don't expect or want it to be. The older I get, the more conviction I have for believing that life is better because of the imperfection. A perfect life would be peaceful and stable no doubt, but it would be utterly void of any triumph or sense of accomplishment because anything of value would already be done. I have no interest in a perfect life. But most importantly, and what I think is the source of this dreamlike sense I'm currently feeling, is the metaphysical wellbeing I feel from knowing the love of someone I consider my superior in all regards. For that, I truely feel blessed. And being someone who does not believe in God or providence, I think that says a lot. |
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